A Word About Arranged Marriages
How do two people who never met before decide to tie the knot? An interesting take on the different aspects of an arranged marriage
We humans are social beings. Marriages are considered sacred and one of the most basic fundamental institutions. In many cultures, it is a compulsory prerequisite for a man and a woman to start a family and step into a conjugal life.
Although with time, the importance of marriage is gradually diminishing as various societies deem it an unnecessary hassle and an extra burden that serves no purpose other than a ceremonial agreement between a man and a woman, it still holds a strong position in various cultures.
Even then there arise differences. How will the marriage be conducted? How will a suitable bride or groom be chosen? The easy and the most appropriate answer would be to vest the decision on the participating man and woman who will be participating in this union as their preferences and likeness must be given top priority, but that’s not always the case.
In a certain South Asian cultures, marriage is considered more than just a contractual relationship between a male and a female recognized by the law — it is seen as a union of two families. Since its span is extended, the requirements and conditions necessary to be fulfilled increase proportionally as well. Que in, arranged marriage.
What is an arranged marriage? It is a marriage where the crucial decisions are taken by the relatives such as parents, uncles, grandparents, aunts, elder siblings, close family friends, etc. of the bride and groom.
These essential decisions concern the eligibility of a certain individual worthy of being a suitable candidate, the way the ceremonies will be conducted, which party will bear what portion of the expenses, Mahr (if it’s a Muslim marriage), etc.
If we do some further digging, we can classify arranged marriage into more sub-divisions such as arranged exogamous marriage, arranged endogamous marriage, etc. based on the selection of the bride and the groom from within a particular tribe or not. But in the particular society that we are talking about, this is not the main concern.
Here some key factors are given more preference over others. Some of them are, the social status of the in-laws, the job and the pay scale of the groom, the physical attributes of the bride, etc. Arranged marriages are seen as more than just communion between a man and a woman. It is deemed as a union of two families, and these aren’t issues that can be ignored.
But when these factors are given more significance than the consent and the opinions of the bride and groom themselves, it raises the question about the actual purpose of this entire process.
But it’s not like there aren’t any pros of arranged marriage. For instance, there is no hassle and pain of going through the entire dating process for the bride and the groom in the hopes of finding ‘The One”. Saves lots of time, and effort and reduces stress. One doesn’t need to worry about finding the perfect time and occasion to sit with his knees bent and propose to his significant other with a ring and a pounding heart because all of that is taken care of by his parents of which he might be unaware of. Secondly, it happens at the discretion of the elders.
They choose the suitable bride and groom so it automatically removes the extra step of winning their approval after marriage. However, it works the other way as well. If anything goes wrong in the marriage, the blame can be easily given to the elders as they are the ones who weighed and considered everything and decided that this is a match made in heaven.
Moreover, for people who are introverted in nature and are afraid of being forever alone, arranged marriages are the only plausible way of finding a partner because, in this part of the world, three things are certain in life-death, taxes, and societal pressure of getting married before your thirties.
In contrast, one might find plenty of reasons to steer clear of arranged marriages. The idea of marrying a stranger with a life-long commitment to staying together may seem like thunder without a cloud. Moreover, as the bride and groom usually have very little say in these situations, they don’t get the scope to talk and discuss their beliefs, morals, and principles which might cause issues later on.
Furthermore, in arranged marriages love takes a long time to develop compared to autonomous marriages because its more of an agreement rather than a tie based on the foundation of love which might lead to unwanted miseries and uneasy adjustments in the conjugal life. Now the question arises, what if the promised love never develops? Well, that is the case in many families where the solution is a lifelong adaptation in the face of irreconcilable differences and marital abuse as being divorced is still considered taboo and divorcee women are often looked down upon by society.
Parents often get involved in marriages driven by greed. Imbalances are created because a bride’s family who is not as wealthy, will try to marry her into a family where the groom is financially well-off. It is the mentality in this sort of patriarchal society that the man should be the primary breadwinner and support his woman. Due to this mentality, a prospective bride’s family usually seeks a groom who has a higher education level and has a higher salary than the bride.
Besides, as religion plays a heavy role in social cultures and traditions, it reduces the chance of males and females interacting with each other without any restrictions. So, arranged marriages are the only solution when it’s time to find a spouse. However, with the gradual social reforms that are taking place, arranged marriages are evolving and more emphasis are being given to the consent of the bride and groom.
Arranged marriages are a big gamble. There is no guarantee that it will lead to life-long fulfillment, nor does it imply obvious struggles. There are instances of long happy married life that are the outcomes of arranged marriages. Ultimately, if one is cautious, no matter what type of marriage it is, it will act in a manner that is most suitable to them.
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